I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
