I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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