just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
