Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found the puke drawer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
