is your mom at the bar?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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