He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
