I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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