I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
