some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
