I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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