Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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