i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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