That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
operation have a gay friend backfired
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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