oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
