I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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