i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
