the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
