maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize