I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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