I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
