piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
