wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He better not be in your backpack
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
