We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
