Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
