I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
