no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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