if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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