saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
