you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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