he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
