It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
