Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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