I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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