Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
