I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
