Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
