think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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