She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
