so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
