We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
