Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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