ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
