Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
