Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize