put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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