So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
