my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
