So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
