Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
