Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
