He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
