someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
