He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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