My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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