Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
