so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
