Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
