The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
