Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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