I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
