At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
