brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
