A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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