Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
nutella sex= disaster
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're a waste of cheezeits
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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