I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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