Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
