please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
