Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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