His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
