Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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