you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
