i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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