actually, I'm a sock model
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
