it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
