im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
