where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
