Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
