I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
