yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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