She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize