she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
