hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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