so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
