Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
