I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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