When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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