Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
