i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
