Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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