I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
