I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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