google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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