In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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