the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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