I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
