Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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