note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
