I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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