i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
