Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize