I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
