A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
