I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
