Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
