We're facebook friends in real life
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Couch. On fire.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
