having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
