I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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