My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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